The Proposal

It's about 8:45 and I am stopping in to the Capitol One bank off 25A on my drive to work. Not to deposit or withdraw anything, as I have very little money to speak of in my checking account. My savings account is a different story. I am here today as I have been the last couple weeks for my morning cup of coffee. I know this seems like a two-bit scheme, but the coffee is free to customers, which I am, and broke or not, I need a cup to get my day going.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend Christen is on her way to work enjoying a nice 4 dollar cup of Starbucks I'm sure. Why does she get to enjoy the luxury latte while I am behaving like the artful dodger? It's not that I am struggling like so many other young Long Islands. Chris and I do quite well, all things considered. She doesn't ever know how tight my funds are right now. It's something I've been keeping secret for the last 3 months. If she found out I'd have to explain that I developed a wicked drug addiction or some lie like that. After all, what fun would giving her a ring be if she knew it was coming.

The Meeting

Chris and I met about 4 years ago at the Long Island Press. I was the art director and she was a new sales girl. We met on an elevator ride up to our third floor office in Garden City. Not many words were exchanged other than "hi, my name is, nice to meet you and good luck," but I am pretty sure she was gawking at me through the side of her head the same way I was at her.

Chris being seated in the cubicle next to the photo copier, I made sure to need urgent copies about six times a day for the next week. One day, I was walking by her station while singing a Fall Out Boy song. This was before they had gone mega-pop so it was kind of indie at the time. Looking back on it, it was rather transparent what I was doing. I would walk around her singing and whistling, putting out this, I'm fun, love my job, love my life, vibe. Also a two-bit scheme, but it apparently worked. She recognized the song and said "You know Fall Out Boy." I sure do. I told her I had just seen them and had plans to catch this other band Honorary Title in a couple days. "You know Honorary Title?!"

Turns out Chris and I like a lot of the same music. More than like, we both love the same music. It's a big part of our personalities. Now, it's hard to say we like music more than most people because everyone likes music. How can I compare my feelings to other peoples? I do know that my heart is huge for music. I have a list of songs that can make me cry and I've had to give myself a limit of how much music I am allowed to purchase on iTunes per week. It is often a topic of charged conversation for us and we tend to annually spend more money on concerts than we do on gas. That's all I know.

About a week later I invited Christen to see Rilo Kiley with me at Webster Hall, to which she declined. Hm? Turns out she had learned of my reputation. I had dated 3 or 4 sales girls in the past, 2 of which still worked there. Chris didn't want to be the next on a list. I was guilty of fishing in a bucket and I admit that. But this sales girl was different. This girl was more than a pretty face. She felt like me. As far as I was concerned I had never met another girl in my life. I loved her from day one.

I was persistent. I asked Chris out about twice a week for four weeks but to no avail. Nothing I could do was going to change her mind about dating me. At least that's what she said. But looking back I realized this: she was in the final breaths of a very long term relationship that she never mentioned to me. Through all my attempts to spend time with her, not once did she use that as an excuse. She didn't want to completely stop my pursuit.

On my tenth invitation, finally she agreed to come over my place for dinner. I lived alone in a sufficient little apartment in Central Islip. I made chicken stir-fry chicken and had beer to offer. She ate very little and drank even less. I didn't eat much either but boy, did I drink. I was nervous and actually drank until I was red with beer burn.

We talked. Despite the heavy drinking Chris tells me I was pretty with it and didn't make as big of a fool of myself as I thought I might have. Conversation moved from the dinner table to the living room and we hung out and listened to music for about 3 hours. Being a week night Christen packed it in pretty early. I walked her out to her car mostly to be polite and partly because Central Islip isn't the safest part of Long Island.

I told Christen how grateful I was that she gave me a shot. Then she kissed me. My heart is pounding right now just thinking about it. She kissed me. I guess a relationship wasn't completely out of the question. I knew she had apprehensions. But I also knew she was going to love me back. So I asked her for 2 weeks. I said "Spend the next two weeks with me and I promise, I won't let you down."

I didn't.


The Realization

Three months into the relationship Christen moved in with me. It wasn't in an effort to make rent easier or that she was running away from some terrible home life. Quite the opposite. She comes from a large, wonderful family and a home full of love. Chris had gone away to college for four years and lived the dorm life. Soon after she had moved to Ireland for a couple months. So it wasn't Christen just trying to experience life on her own. It just felt right. The relationship was very natural. I loved being with her and she loved being with me.

I did learn something from moving in together so quickly. It is not wise in most cases. There needs to be a period of getting to really know someone. If the relationship is going to end, it makes the breakup that much messier. Once you move in together, you can't just change coarse. You can't just break up over any little thing or even any big thing. As a result you might find yourself stuck in a 9 month lease with what should have been a 9 week relationship. I don't regret moving in so soon. Personally, we have seen over the years an occasion or two where living together helped keep us on course, and we are better now for it.

Something happens in a relationship when you both decide you want to be together forever. For kids our age it alleviated the problems other relationships have like jealousy or not trusting each other or snooping through each others stuff. All snooping would do is ruin the surprises we had in store for each other. A secret correspondence with my favorite band to see when they were coming back to New York or a phone call to Christens sister about the plans in the works (Christen did grab my phone recently to use the navigation and found a call to her sister. When she asked why I was talking to her sister I had to think quick. The real reason was because I had just asked her parents for Christen's hand in marriage and I wanted to discuss it with each of her sibling too. What I told Christen was that I was worried about Chris because she had recently had a friend pass away and I wanted to see if her sister had any advice).

Chris and I have always known we would be together forever. We are perfect together. Sure through free will and outstanding circumstances either of us could change this beautiful path we are on. We are not contractually bound by law or fate, but as far as the book I am writing, Christen is in it until the end. I was however never one to get excited about marriage. I've always been of the mind set that we are living life and absolutely loving it. A wedding was just an expensive celebration of love. Chris and I celebrate our love every day. Why stop that to get married? I was also never a fan of children. Truth be told I had never even held a baby up until two years ago and I am still wary of it. They are very delicate I am not.

Something did change in me recently though. An enlightenment of sorts. I've always lived with the intention of finding as much joy and beauty in the world around me. We are only on this planet for a definitive amount of time. We need to fill those years with wonderful days. After that, your time is up. This was my philosophy. I was only partly right though.

This is what I realized.It is important to enjoy your time here, but more importantly, we need to raise the next generation to be the best possible people they can be. I am my father. As I get older I see it more and more. You hear it over and over again: like it or not, you will become your parents. Well I like it. When my parents pass, they will live on in me. And when I go, I will live on through my children. That's why you want to make them the best people they can be. It's an opportunity to improve yourself and in a way, I guess you are not only on this planet for a definitive amount of time

This realization changed my opinion of having babies, and of getting married. Part of a stable foundation for a child to grow on is being raise by a mother and father who love each other first. I can't think of a better partner to do this with than my love Christen. She is an outstanding person and will be an ideal mother. I want to marry Christen. Marriage is not only a celebration of love, it is a promise to each other. A promise to love when you love each other and love when you hate each other. A promise to tough out the hard times. It is a promise to god. And if that's not binding enough, it is a promise to the state of New York which requires lots of time, money, lawyers and heartache to break. It's kind of like moving in together.


The Parents

Christen was invited to go to Atlantic City with one of her girlfriends. She wasn't really interested in going because she is not much of a gambler. She told me she was going to decline but the night before the trip she changed her mind and decide to tag along for the girl time. I woke up the next morning about an hour before usual and just laid in bed thinking. I was going to ask her parents if they could sit down to dinner with me. Chris would be away and be completely unaware. I was nervous. But like an excited kind of nervous. I felt like I was glowing on the inside. Chris got up and got ready for work and I just laid there thinking about how my day was going to play out.

I got to work and I stared at my phone for about an hour. Now I was the real kind of nervous. Fortunately I got called into a meeting that didn't break for about two hours. When I got out I was prepared to go back to the stare at my phone game. But was interrupted by Christen showing up at my office. She was in the area and wanted to tell me about a conversation she had just had with her dad.

The weekend before was Easter. We spent the day at Christens parents home and her father told us about this great little house for sale in Ronkonkoma. The seller was a friend of his and he was looking to unload the place for super cheap. It was a two bedroom with a huge basement, detached two car garage on about half an acre. He suggested we drive over to check it out. After Chris and I left the party we did. The place was great but it needed some work. between taxes and a mortgage, we decided we wouldn't have enough to afford the renovation so we decided owning a home was not an option for us.

Christens dad had called Chris now a week later to apologize to her for sending us over there to look at the place. He felt since we weren't even engaged it was presumptuous of him to assume we want to buy a home together. We had discussed it with him but he wasn't sure how serious we were. He did however not want to see this opportunity slip away, and he offered to buy the home for her. I could just pay rent. Isn't that exciting news?

Chris took off and I was left to ponder this. It would be an investment opportunity for him and a way to leverage Chris into a home she could not otherwise afford. It was also a very generous proposition...for Christen. Half an hour after they have that conversation, I am going to call and ask him if I can merry into this deal? It looks opportunistic. And I though now I can't call him—I don't want him to get the wrong idea. But then I thought, I can't pass on this scenario. I have to go through with it. First of all because it is the right time, and secondly because it is too funny.

I looked back at my phone. I stood up, paced back and forth about two times, and then dialed Mr. B's number. It went to voicemail and I left him a message. "Hi, Mr. Barnych. I was wondering if you and your wife would be available tonight for me to come by. I have some important things i would like to discuss with you."

I then got called into another meeting—one that I was in no shape to contribute productively to. When i came out i had this message waiting for me on my office line. "Hey Jon. Mr. Barnych here. Yep we will be around tonight, We've got baseball practice until about seven but any time after that would be fine." it's one of those messages that I plan on saving for the rest of my life. That and the drunk wrong number message I got from Joe looking for Maria.

After work I shot over to Christen's parents house. On the way I had a florist put together a nice "thank you for you daughter" arrangement. When i got there I decided to leave my phone in my car so as not to be distracted. Aside from her parents, Christens youngest brother was the only other person home. He is incredible bright and observant. When he learned I was coming by for dinner he responded with " Now everyone's gonna be married." He had already eaten so Mr. and Mrs. Barnych and I sat down and had a nice homemade dinner.

Conversation was normal. I wasn't very nervous. They didn't seem to be either but Mrs. B did seem to have a little more wine than usual. When we were all done eating I asked the question. I told them how much I love their daughter and my intention was to ask her to merry me at the end of the summer. I had the date, location and method pretty much picked out. They approved my request and we hung out for another hour. I knew Greg was aware of what was going on so before I left I went up and had a talk with him. He said he knew what was up and I asked for his permission too. He agreed. I told him he needed to keep it a secret though. I was probably going to talk with each of his siblings about it but I wasn't positive. The family is large and like I said, full of love. I wasn't just marrying Christen, I was marrying the entire Barnych family. And the fact is, they all didn't accept me in the beginning. For what ever reason there was a bit of hazing before approval. Four years in I feel we are all on the same page.

I left at about 10:00 and expected to find a missed call from Christen. I figured she would have made it to AC by then and checked in. I called her and got her voice mail. Odd. I did however have a missed call from my buddy Justin. He was supposed to be my aliby. I had told Christen that I was doing sushi with him and then we were going out in Patchogue. The second part was true. I shot over to Patchogue where I met Justin and some friends at the Rusty Clam. When I found Jus I told him about my night. He knew I was going to the Barnychs but I didn't tell him what for. He said oh, shit. When I didn't answer his call, he called Christens cell and left a message "I know you guys are having dinner with your parents but give me a call when you are done." Oh shit.

What I'm thinking is this: Christen knows (thinks) marriage is still not on my agenda. She is going to hear that and not assume I am having dinner with her parents. She is going to think something worse. She is going to think that I told her I was with Justin and told my friends I was with her. Why would I lie. On top of that. If you look at my phone history there is a call to a florist. It's an iPhone and you can't erase individual numbers. If I clear the entire call log then it looks like I'm hiding something anyway. I am definitely cheating. Oh shit.

He must have been wrong about leaving that message or she didn't hear it or something because she never said a word to me. I did talk to her that night and she seemed normal. She definitely didn't hear that message.

The next day I woke up and called each of her three other brothers and sisters. Christen was on her way back to New York and I wanted to speak with them before she got in. I was calling to let them all know what her parents and youngest brother were already in on. I also wanted to make sure everyone was okay with this and if not we needed to figure out why not and what could be done to make everything alright. One by one I called, oldest to youngest. Everyone was great. They were all excited and each gave me their blessing.

Christen got home soon after the calls were over. When she got in I was so excited to see her. Something happens when you think about someone as your wife rather than just your girlfriend. As much as I loved Christen, it had doubled. And because it is a secret I couldn't share what I was feeling. I was feeling good though. I really felt the hardest part was out of the way. And then the texts started coming. Both Christens brother and sister sent me similar texts saying how excited they were and that I made their weekend.

Who was that text from?

The Proposal

I knew exactly where I wanted to propose to Christen. Last September, Chris and I spent a couple days in Austin, TX at the Austin City Limits music festival. It was everything we love about life; great music, warm weather, jumping nightlife, bars, restaurants, a weird, young arts scene and Longhorns. It was a perfect weekend, exhausting, but perfect. This was definitely the place for us to get engaged.

I contacted the band Mutemath to see if they could help me with the proposal. I figured I'd go a little over the top with a proposal. Being that they were one of the first bands Chris and I really got into together, and they were going to be at ACL, I though this would be perfect. They are an electro-pop rock band who put on an amazing show, not to mention we have talked about using one of their songs, noticed, as our wedding song. I dropped their publicist an email to see if they would be willing to propose to her onstage for me at the festival. The band got back to me immediately and said they were super excited to help out. Not only would they do it, but they said they wanted to meet us before hand to hang out and they would make a huge deal out of it on stage. I couldn't have asked for a better arrangement. Cool.

As the festival approached I was getting excited. I had picked out the ring in June and saved up enough to buy it by July. I had already gotten her family's permission back in March and it seemed everything was coming together. Then I got an email from Chris - Check out this line-up at Lollapalooza in Chicago. She was right. The Killers, Tool, Kings of Leon, The Decemberists, Silversun Pickups, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Weekend, The Airborne Toxic Event, Gaslight Anthem, Animal Collective and on and on. Well over a dozen bands we would both love to see. The ACL line-up was good too, but this festival was perfect for us. After really considering the pros an cons of each show (Mutemate not being mentioned) we decided to try out Chicago.

Lollapalooza Friday August 8th
After Chicago experienced a week of unseasonably cool weather, Friday was greeted with a warm front bringing with it relentless rain. The day started out pleasant with a cool misting. Chris and I grabbed a beer and walked through the mile long Grant Park. We walked by The Henry Clay People on our way to see Manchester Orchestra. We stopped and grabbed some lunch from the food village to bring with us. By the time we made it to see MO they were probably halfway into their set. We made a little picnic under a tree and enjoyed our sandwiches. The band really surprised me. The first act we really caught I put on my list of "albums to buy." It was a slightly rainy, but beautiful start to our weekend.

The Gaslight Anthem was on the stage on the exact opposite side of the park. Fortunately we had an hour to make the walk again. We caught the show and fell in love - me with the great sound and stage presence, Chris with the blue-eyed Irish boy on the microphone. Next up was Bon Iver, again on the opposite side of the park but at this point the mist had turned in to a steady rain and we were getting wet. Now typically in a situation like this Chris and I could just go with the flow and accept the dampness, but I was shooting the festival and had a camera to worry about. We had to abandon the festival mid Blood Bank to get some shelter and garbage bag rain coats. We stopped for a bite to eat and dried off in the bar bathroom.

At six o'clock The Decemberists took the stage. We made it back just in time. I had seen them before in Central Park before the new concept album The Hazards of Love was released. They were amazing there because of not only how great they sound on stage, but the audience interaction and how the lead singer speaks the way he writes, almost as if he is from Victorian times. This performance was different though. Because they were doing the Hazards of Love tour, which is a beautiful story from the first track through the last, they had to do each song in secession. There was no time in between songs to banter with the audience. It was a straight forward performance of the album and it was amazing. By far the highlight of the day.

The rain had let up at this point and we took a break in picnic form again, this time on garbage bags while Andrew Bird preformed. We drank a couple more tall boys and watched people slip in the mud. We were exhausted but only had Kings of Leon left for the day. Kings of Leon took the stage at 8:15 and played through till 10, the end of the day. Their sound is not only great on record, but even better live on stage. It was an excellent end to a long and fulfilling day.

Lollapalooza Saturday, August 9th
We got a late start to the day but once we got in, we didn't stop. 2:30 - Los Campisinos Young, fun and possible British. 3:30 - Gomez If David Grey was a hippie. 4:30 - Coheed and Cambria Hair! 5:30 - Glasvegas Scottish boys through and through. If only the rest of the band cared as much as the lead singer. 6:30 - Lykke Li Talented young thing. And she played the Kings of Leon cover of Knocked Up that I love. 7:30 - Animal Collective What are these boys on? The fast track.

The closing acts were a conflict for us. Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Tool. I was excited to see the Yeahs because of how fun and different their music is and what I've heard about them live—action packed. Tool on the other hand has had a place in my heart since I was a young teen. We decided to catch the first half hour of Yeahs and the last half hour of Tool. It was a mistake. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs were amazing and we had to pull ourselves away to go hike to the other side of the park where Tool was. By the time we got there I knew I messed up. Tool was good but Tool is not who I am today. The past has past.

Lollapalooza Sunday, August 10th - Today is the day
As opposed to the first day of the festival being cold and rainy, yesterday and today turned out to be record breaking heat days, especially Sunday. Ra Ra Riot started the day for us. I love their fresh out of college sound an live they are great, especially the singer and the two girls on strings. They are my new Vampire Weekend. Good start to the day. Next we catch Bat for Lashes in the distance but really take it easy as The Airborne Toxic Event is next.

I really hope for the best from The Airborne Toxic Event because of what I have in store. On the flight to Chicago Chris had mentioned how she got to listen to the album and other than a couple really great tracks, she didn't see what I saw in the band. I really needed them to bring it. And they did. This was rock and roll. If a song didn't grab you on the recorded version, it sure did live. Every piece was engaging and exciting. We were on the edge of our Crocs the entire show. The hit single from the album, Sometime Around Midnight was good, but not even the highlight. When one member raged, so did the rest of the team. As emotional as the lead singer was, you could feel the entire band supporting him in those emotions. I loved the extended version of Innocence with lyrics over what is recorded as an instrumental intro. Amazing. They also cover the song from Silence of the Lambs. Yeah, that one.

After the performance I said to Chris, we have to go get an autograph. We went back to the press area and found the band. I told them how much we loved the show and how great it was to see a band that really brought it all together. I took our program and a sharpie out and asked for an autograph from the whole band. They were happy to oblige. While they signed the little book I called Christen over for a picture with TATE. I handed someone my camera and asked them to get a picture. While we were all getting ready to take the pic, the last person signed the program and handed it to me. I handed it to Chris and she read it. It said "For Christen, Will you marry Jon (we mean it)" By the time she had finished reading it I was down on my knee holding out the ring. I said to her "Christen, I love you with my entire heart, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" Shocked, she just stood there shaking in silence until someone reminded her "You have to answer."

(Thanks again Airborne Toxic Event)

We ended the day with Cold War Kids, Passion Pit, Silversun Pickup (3 of my favorite bands right now) and finally The Killers. But there is not much I can say about any of them. We were there watching but all I can remember is looking at my wife.